Monday, October 30, 2006

Clap Your Hands and Smile ...While Sleeping.

Turned 3 times.
Snored a little.
Clapped.
Smiled.
Squinted.

Cherished every moment of it.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Iritable


Ayan ka na naman, nakaharang sa daan. Aawayin mo na naman ako. Lahat na lang ng makita mo, may problema sa'yo. Para kang tanga. Hindi ka na nakuntento. Ano bang meron sa mata mo? Kung di lang ako naaawa sa'yo, matagal ka ng dehado. Napaka-iritable mo. Wala ka namang puwang sa mundo. Ngiti mo'y palaging bitin, palaging naka-mura sa hangin. Para ka talagang tanga sa aking paningin. Malapit na kitang sungal-ngalin. Konting reklamo pa, matatamaan ka na. Akala mo kung sino ka. Gusto mo bang sumaya? Halika, papatayin na kita.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Moving on.

Can't think of anything to write. Best thing to do is get soused up to burn your liver and worries away. Moving on from a past relationship is supposed to be a process you know.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Impulse

"Kailan ka ba mag-reremoval exam!?" I can hear my mother's persistent whining as I entered my father's office. "Baka masyado ng late pag June or July!" (It's not due until September) "Hindi ma, okay lang yan." I sighed as I replied. "Eh paano pag bumagsak ka ulit!?" (She's already shouting) "Ma, hindi pa naman ako bumabagsak eh. Kinulang lang ng grade, puwede pa maging tres." "Hindi ka na naman nakikinig sa'kin. Babagsak ka na naman!!" I tried to look away from her because I'm starting to get really, really annoyed.

Ever since I was a kid, I never got into any really serious fistfight. Although I have this memorable experience of smacking someone's face way back in elementary school. This kid, Patrick, kept calling me names e.g. "kulangot" I gave him something which he'll never forget. A bloody "Good Morning Towel." I actually got scared (and amazed) when I punched him in the face. Seeing lots of blood squirting out of someone's big nostrils isn't normal for an eleven year old kid to see.

I also remember when I broke my classmate's arm when I was in High school. He's half German (so he's kinda crazy) and half dimwit. Maybe his sole purpose in life is to bug people like me since he saw my other dimwitted high school classmates making fun of me. Monkey see, monkey do. While I was reading this Filipino-English dictionary, the barbaric ape snatched it from me. Tried to grab it back, but accidentally grabbed his arm instead and twisted it. Yep, accident. Went to class the other day with a sling on his arm.

I also remember throwing things at people when i'm really really angry. Might it be a chair, a desk, a shovel, or a pair of scissors, I'm still going to make sure that you're still alive after a traumatizing day with me.

Don't piss me off. It's for your own safety..

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Sentimental

Maagang nagising si Carlo. Alas siyete-i-medya pa lamang ng umaga ay nakabangon na siya, nakapag-hilamos at, nakapag-mumog. Nagising siya dahil hindi na maganda ang amoy ng kanyang hininga. Ikalawang araw niya nang hindi nagtu-toothbrush.

"Nakakatamad", ika niya sa kaibigan na nagtanong kung bakit ang baho ng hininga niya. Naiwan niya na namang bukas ang telebisyon dahil nakatulugan niya ito kagabi. May nag-uulat ng balita sa telebisyon, napansin niya. Iniwan niya pa din ito at naupo siya sa balustrahe.

May terrace sa labas ng kanyang kuwarto. Nasa ikalawang palapag ito. May kalakihan ang kanilang bahay. Limang kuwarto, isang kusinang malaki, dalawang sala at limang banyo na ang apat ay de-shower pa. May Guest room din ito para sa mga bisita ng kanyang negosyanteng ama. Nagsindi siya ng isang stick ng sigarilyo. Dahan-dahang hinit-hit para mag-baga ito. Naramdaman niyang kumirot ang kanyang kaliwang baga. Hindi niya alam kung bakit, pero mas ramdam nya ang sarap ng bawat hit-hit ng kanyang sigarilyo kaysa sa kirot na nararamdaman sa kaliwang baga.

"Marrr-boh-roh" Sinubukan niyang basahin ang pangalan sa pakete ng sigarilyo na hawak niya sa kanyang kanang kamay. Nilaro-laro ang kanyang bughaw na lighter sa pamamagitan ng pag-ikot ikot nito sa kanyang kamay sabay buga ng usok sa hangin.

"Haaaak.. Ptooey!!!" Dumura siya sa labas at sinubukang tanggalin ang plema na nakabara sa kanyang lalamunan. Ma-langis-langis ang kanyang buhok dahil dalawang araw na din siyang hindi naliligo. Hindi pa din siya nagpapalit ng kanyang karsunsilyo kahit mangamoy-ngamoy na ito. Inamoy-amoy niya ang kanyang damit. Amoy Sabong panlaba pa naman pero may amoy na din ng konting anghit. "Puwede pa ito", naisip nya.

Pagkaubos ng kanyang sigarilyo ay bumalik siya sa loob ng kuwarto, nahiga ulit at nag-isip. "Ano ba ang magandang gawin?" Nagtalukbong siya ng kumot at umiyak. "Putang-ina kasi eh. Putang-ina talaga." Naisip niya. Habang humihikbi ay tiningnan niya ang kanyang cellular phone. "Wala pa din." Bulong niya sa sarili..

"Tok, tok, tok! Carlu!!! Carluu!! anu baaa! bomangun ka na daw sabe ne ati!" ..Isang oras ang lumipas at hindi lumabas si Carlo ng kanyang kuwarto. Tahimik ang kanyang kuwarto maliban sa tunog ng telebisyon na doraemon ang palabas. "Gugulpihin kita Nobita!!..

"Nasa sahig si Carlo habang naghihingalo. Mahinang-mahina na ang kanyang katawan. Nasa tabihan niya ang isang boteng pampatulog na bagong bukas at walang laman. Sinubukan niyang basahin ng malakas ang nakasulat sa bote. "Vaaah-li-yuumm.." Sabay pumikit, upang hindi na imulat pang muli.

Monday, May 29, 2006

You

..I saved you and I changed you. I've risked it all. I saw what you really are. I even know you at your Prime. I made you feel at your best. I know who you are. But you were hurting me. I left you. You felt miserable and you want me back. I moved on, trying to tell myself that I don't want you anymore. You've been doing well. So well, you forgot me. You forgot your "big" problem. You forgot what we had. Who I am. What I was to you. You're hurting me. I snapped. I did not cry. And I'm still doing my best not to. I don't want to look weak. I've managed to suppress this pain inside me without letting you know how much it hurts. How much it's killing me. Now I want you back. But you're gone, and nowhere to be found. You left me all alone. I'm all alone and I'm thinking about you. How pathetic.. You're gone, yet you're still hurting me. I guess that's life. Everything changes, nothing lasts forever, and I was wrong. I still haven't moved on. All this time, it was you. It was you all along.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Lasing

Umaalingaw-ngaw paulit-ulit.
Tagay.
Kantang pinag-daanan ng panahon, konting kuwento.
Tawa.
Masaya. Masaya ka ngayon.
Walang problema. 
Limot na ang kahapon na nagpabago ng katauhan at kamalayan na sumira sa isang isip na nagmahal. Pagmamahal? Kalokohan. Isang malaking kasinungalingan. Walang batayan.
Kuha ng pulutan.
Tawa ulit.
Tagay.
Kahit gaano kapait, makikisabay ka pa din.
Nalulunod na ang kamalayang nakalimot sa masalimuot na kahapon.
Lunod sa serbesa na tanging pag-asa.
Panandaliang pag-asa.
Walang pag-asa.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Crossroads with a Detour.

5 minutes of love. You know it’s there. You can feel that it’s there. You can see her jet-black flowing hair, waving like silk through the wind.

*4 minutes* She stares at you with those almond shaped eyes, trying to analyze every contour of your face. Trying to record it in her memory before the time is up.

*3 minutes* You stare at her from head to toe, Shoulder to shoulder. Her body built was just right. You were thinking of asking her name. But you can’t.. you just can’t. She was the prettiest girl you’ve seen but all you can do is just sit and stare.

*2 minutes* Time is running out. It’ll all be over soon. “Will he ask my name? Is he even going to remember me after all of this is over? What are you still doing there? C’mon, ask my name, NOW!”

*1 minute* “All of this will be over soon. But I never got a chance to ask her name. NO! I had all my chances.. but there’s really nothing I can do. If only I could..”

*30 seconds* “This is hopeless. He won’t ask my name. Ang torpe torpe naman nito" (stares outside)

*15 seconds* “Awwww. She’s already leaving! I still hope I could get her number.. or not. Damn, I suck! ”

*5 seconds, 4, 3, 2, 1… “Manong, Para po, Dyan na lang po sa tabi!”

Wala kasi akong maisulat eh. Nilagay ko na lang yung naiisip ko pag nakasakay sa jeep or sa bus or kahit saang lugar na pag may nakita kang tao eh malaki yung tyansa na hindi mo na siya makikita ulit.

I've accidentally erased my whole blog yesterday.. I was trying to edit the template (as usual, runung-runungan) when suddenly, I didn't realize that i've erased half of what's written on the template sheet and pressed save. hmm. Anong tawag dun? :p bagay na bagay ang pangalan ng blog ko sa akin.

Job Hunting

Bob and I went to this call center in the middle of nowhere within Santa Rosa, Laguna yesterday to apply for a job. When we got there, this ominous-looking fenced structure, which was surrounded by vacant lots and hectares upon hectares of grasslands stood before us. Good thing, it was also along the national highway so it’s really easy for anyone to spot it. Even the Jeepney drivers and the dispatchers in the terminal, knows that it’s a call center.

Anyway, as we entered the building, we were given an application form to fill-out. I searched for an empty seat across the room and at the same time, saw the other applicants being called out one by one for their interviews. I can't help but notice this guy in front of me because he was scratching his head a bit too much. His eyebrows were crooked from too much strained thinking. I saw him stand up only to sit slowly beside me. He then looked at me and asked: “Pare, ano ba yung CSR? Di ko kasi alam eh. Kinopya ko lang dun sa nakita kong papel.” I told him that it stands for Customer Service Representative (what a…) Why the fuck are you trying to get a job here? He should have at least made a little research about the company he's trying to apply to. What the fuck does he think he'll do here, sell canned-goods and frozen meats or something? Jeez.

After passing our completed application forms, the front desk officer inspected it for a moment, paused for a second, then immediately told Bob and I that they don’t hire students. “I’ll see if it’s okay with the management, though.” So, we stayed for the interview.

Once done with our interviews, they told us that they’d be calling at around 7PM to let us know whether we passed the evaluation interview or not. Fuckers never called. Haha!

When we were riding the Jeepney towards home, there was this gay person who covered his chest/breast/chreast (whatever they are) when he climbed the steps. I was like "DUDE. What the fuck are you trying to cover!? Must be some sort of a mannerism, I guess. Just laughed it off and didn't think too much about it after. I’m so looking for a job right now. I really don’t have to, but I felt that I really need to earn my own money.

The next day, my mom told me that a Manila-based call center will be opening an office right here in LB. So again, Bob and I went to the place to find out if we can apply for a job. The building had a beauty parlor on the first floor. There was no choice but to ask the gay person standing there, puffing a smoke.

Alan: Hmm.. puwede po magtanong?
Badaf: (Startled look on his face) Anwo yown?
A: Ahhh.. may malapit po ba na call center dito?
B: Merown. Kaswo, hindi fa bukwas. Swa second flowr yun eh. May Seminwar swa May 15.
A: Ah ganun po ba. Eh san po kaya puwede magpasa ng resumè?
B: (Points inside the parlor) Sa amwin, Sa loowb.
A: (Napakamot ng ulo) Ahh.. sige po. Salamat.
B: Sigwe.
A: Ay teka lang po. Anong oras po kaya yung orientation?
B: Hindwi kwo alwam. (Stares away as if he suddenly lost the interest to whatever I was asking about.)

Hehe.. Naisip ko lang. Baka kapag nagpasa ako ng resume dun sa parlor, baka maging tiga-kulot ako o kaya manikurista. Naisip ko lang naman. hehe.

Someone hire me, will work for food.

Manong Isaw

"Kayo ba ay merong katanungan para maliwanagan ang inyong kaisipan?" My instructor's voice was soothing enough to make me forget that I was just a  "sit-in" on his class. I have a removal exam this coming May because my instructor from OU gave me a grade of 74.65. She could've just rounded it off to make it 75.00 flat to make things much, much easier and simpler for both of us. Kaso, hindi. EXT ang grade ko. Okay, sige. hmm...

I hate math. I despise math. And i'm pretty sure it feels the same way towards me. Who invented math? Why did they have to invent something that doesn't even exist in this tangible world? They always say that math exists everywhere. The food you eat (calorie intake), the shirt you are wearing (size and dimension of the shirt), the circumference of the tires of a car to make the car go faster, why the bee hive is hexagonal instead of being triangular or circular or whatever dumb shape it could have become.. Some people have way too much time in their hands. Adding up apples and oranges, seriously?

Just like math, Life is so full of measurements. You have to measure everything precise and accurate so that you won't end up begging for change in the streets. On second thought, maybe math is important after all. It can be applied to our lives so that we make life decisions better and faster. If things are logical and valid or if it's irrational and needs to be ditched.

"Hoy pare, inom tayo!" Bob and I went to LB square last Tuesday to unwind. We talked about anything that comes to mind then walked home tipsy and wasted. Makulit yata kami nung may tama na kami. Pati si manong mag-iisaw, kinukulit na namin:

Ako: Manong, wag masyadong sunog. carcinogenic ang karne pag sunog.
Bob: oo nga manong.
Manong: ah ayaw mo ng sunog? sige. (The pig intestine were in flames as he was saying this to me)
A: "Manong, Nasunog pa din.
M: Ok lang yan, ganyan din yung sa kenny rogers eh, di ba? Masunog-sunog.
B: hehehe
A: Manong, Asukal sa Marinade yung nasusunog sa kenny rogers eh
M: oo nga, dito din, ganon. (Fine, sure, I'm drunk.)
A: Manong, pakibalot na lang. kakainin na lang namin habang naglalakad
B: wag na, dito na lang natin kainin (nakatingin sa isaw at parang takam na takam)
M: ah, dito na lang. san ko sawsaw?
A: Suka.. Ay matamis.. AY! pareho na lang. hehe.
B: hehehe
A: (Habang Kumakain) Pare, kilala mo si Aling aning?
B: (thinking)
M: Ahh.. si Aning's Flower shop. Yung nagtitinda ng bulaklak.
A: Oo manong, kilala mo pala. Tiga-dito kasi kami talaga sa LB eh. Dyan ako kay ******
M: ah, kay *****.
B: Sikat pala kayo pare eh.
A: Hindi ha. Bakit yung K*****? si L*** *******.
B: hehe
A: Lolo (di ata ako naririnig ni manong isaw) ko yung dating chief of police dito. Si Fernando.
M: Ahh.. Tatay mo pala yun.
A: Lolo ko po. Patay na yun eh.
M: Ahh. andito ako sa LBDH (Los Baños, Doctor's Hospital) nung namatay yun. Inoperahan.
A: Komplikasyon po sa Diabetes ang ikinamatay nun, sa bahay po nila namatay.
M: (ngingiti-ngiti na lang.)
A: isa na nga lang ulit nung tig-tatatlo sampu, manong." (Puro ka ento, walang enta.)

Ayun lang. Parang tanga ang math.

Katangahan

Nakakatamad mag-blog. Ano ba ang dapat ko na isulat? Kanina pa ako dito, nakatingin sa puting screen at sa cursor na kumikindat-kindat. Ano ba ang dapat ilagay? Isip, isip.. Wala ng maisip. Alas-dos na ng umaga. Wala ng magawa. Tahimik naman ang paligid. Rinig ko lang ang tunog ng aking keyboard na parang makinilya. ..Tangina. Tanga, Tanga, Tanga.. Nasaksak ko ang sarili ko sa kamay. Ang sakit. Gagong delata yan. Tatanga tanga. nauso pa ang easy open can. Wala naman dun sa lata. tanga talaga. Para kasing tanga yung abrilata. Di ko makita. Nasa Tukador dapat iyon. Kaso, may tanga na hindi nagbalik sa kinalalagyan. Hmmm... nalabas pa din yung dugo. Ayaw tumigil.. ..Mahirap pala mag-isa. Wala kang magawa. Pa-chat-chat. nakatanga lang. hmm.. ano pa ba puwedeng gawin.. Isip, isip.. Ayan. Kausap ko si Erika. May problema sa Puso. Parang tanga ang relasyon. Isang araw, hinahalikan mo sa puwet, (literal at pigural) susunod, nag-aaway na, at minsan, nagkaka-patayan pa. Ta-tanga tanga talaga. Hayan. nagalit na sakin si Erika. hmm.. kasi naman, nabigla yata sa mga sinabi ko. Di makapaniwala. Isip, isip.. Naulan pa yata sa labas. Kaya pala malamig.. ..hahaha! parang tanga mag-chat ang gago.

chatter1> how about making me a bench underwear model....
chatter2> suot ka ng brief sa ulo mo
chatter2> hehehe
chatter2> dickhead ka di ba?
chatter2> hehehe
chatter2> joke lang
chatter2> hehehe
chatter2> peace tayo ha

Parang hinaduken ang tanga hehe..

Isip, isip..

Next post: Rants and thoughts.

Emosyon

"Hoy asan yung tangke ng gasul!!??? potangenang bata ito. Ang bata bata pa, masyado ka nang malilimutin!! Sabi ko, ilagay mo sa likod ng sasakyan di ba? Tangina talaga.(indistinct grumbling) Di ko malaman kung anong iniisip mo eh. Bata bata mo pa, ulyanin ka na!”(more indistinct grumbling) ... then silence at last..

Ako nga pala si Alan Tanga. Beinte-uno anyos, walang asawa, estudyante. ( I opened my mouth widely as I introduced myself in front of my classmates) What’s the use of introducing ourselves to people we don’t know and care about?? Is it for them to know us? Why do instructors think that by uttering a few words, people will know who or what we are? Ang tanga ano? Hehe. Baka nga naman standard procedure lang yun na kailangang sunurin para malaman yung pangalan ng kokopyahan mo ng assignment. Pero why don’t they provide us with name plates then? Maybe a big ass nameplate will do all the talking. But instead, all they give us is this puny ID card with a freakin 2 x 2 photograph (where I’m revealing my teeth and all), which will tell people that you came from a big ass institution and that you’re a respectable person.

..Sweet silence. The awkwardness in the air is nauseating. A thousand thoughts came running through my head. “Ano kayang iniisip nito.. bakit kaya siya galit na galit? puwede naman yun dalhin bukas o sa makalawa. Pero parang may mamamatay dahil hindi lang nadala iyong tangke na yun.”

Do my ass- this is how people pronounce my surname. It’s supposed to be *****. It was from the Visayan region, the place where peoples tongues blurt out a weird accent that are kind of.. really, really both ear shattering and satisfying at the same time. I used to get really pissed when people say my surname aloud like that. But my cousin told me that I have a kick ass surname so it’s all good. Keber ko. Ika nga ng erpats ni insan, wapakels.

Lunch time came.. He talked to me, finally. “kain na tayo, wala pa ang mommy mo. Kumuha ka ng plato dun.“ I guess his anger’s gone. Gone like fart that would disperse itself within the air after 10 seconds of annoying people, powered by the strong, wet stench that could launch a thousand shits. Lucky and blessed are those who are near the perimeter of the primitive and barbaric person who did the wicked deed. I can’t wait for him to get mad again. It’s kinda fun and amazing to observe people while they’re in their extremes. Might be an orgasm, or someone in an ecstatic mood or a suicidal tendency, it just never gets old. All is unique and varies deeply.

Two words: Career Path. I don’t really know where my life’s heading. It’s summer vacation and I’ve got nothing to do. I’m too lazy to work even though I was telling everybody that I’ll be applying for a job really soon. Fuck them. I don’t have to satisfy anybody anyway so it doesn’t really matter. (Although I still can’t stop thinking about getting a job and earning shitloads of money.. Now that would be something) crap. I’m running out of space..

...And The Devil Grew its Horns

Learned how to chat since I was in 5th grade (was 12 then, and i'm 21 now.) Go on, tell me I need to get a life. Heard it a million times so fuck off. I've met lots of "people". Some are alright, some are boring, some are downright funny, but some of them.. hmm (thinking about the appropriate word).. Nah, don't think there really is a word that can describe what kind of people they are.

I have this friend in irc named Cheriza. Met up with her once in Diliman, got wasted then went home to Los Baños. here's one of our "usual" conversations. Dunno why I'm posting it here, this shit's supposed to be private. Go figure.

chumsy_stupid: alaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnn
me: amputa
me: lakas trips..
me: tsk tsk
chumsy_stupid: ALAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN

Chums, ikaw ang naka-devirginize ng blog ko. :p