Darkest Corner

Comic Strip.

So a friend and I decided to make our very own comic strip. I'll be his illustrator and he'll be the script writer. What we didn't agree about is who will put the text into the speech bubble. He said I made the speech bubbles too small to fit the text inside. I say it's his fault by making a long-ass script. We eventually came to an agreement not to finish the project.

Just figure it out.




(edit edit lang muna.)

Regards to Ian.

Bored

I'm pretty much bored with everything that's happening in my life. I'm...

1. bored with school
2. bored with my job
3. bored with. . .
4. bored with this fucking blog
5. bored with my friends
6. bored being a bum
7. bored using the internet
8. bored with eating
9. bored. .
10. bored. .
11 bored. .
12. And the boring list goes on..

How about you? Also bored with your shit lately?

Wating-wating

Tangina, lasing na naman ako pagkatapos ng mahabang panahon.

Emerson (1984 - 2007)

We will miss you Eme.

Summer's Over.

Unlike other people, I have always liked the gloomy and rainy weathers. It’s the perfect time to read a good book, think about happy thoughts while lying in bed or, have coffee with someone and talk about just anything.

When I was a kid, my neighbors and I would play outside when it’s raining. We liked the coolness of rainwater on our backs. We would splash muddy water on each other until our clothes were so dirty that we can't use them ever again because the mud-stain won't come off. We’d also make paper boats out of the pages of our school notebooks and we’d race them on the muddy rainwater.

But the best thing I like about rainy weathers is that I can take a leak wherever I want and no one would notice that it's my piss they're stepping on since it looks like well, rainwater.

Summer’s over.

Boss Bawang

Hahahaha!! May gumaya sa "Boy Bawang®"

Natuwa lang ako sa design kasi medyo pareho.

Meet "Boss Bawang™" Bwahahaha!!!

Tangina talaga.

Sino kayang mananalo pag nag-suntukan sila? Hmm..

Therapy for Social Awkwardness

So I was sitting here in front of my computer when suddenly, I heard our driver talking to someone outside.

Babae: “Hi Sir! Blah blah blah.. Therapy.. yada yada..” (I couldn’t hear what they were talking about, much less care about it.)

Mang Philip: “Eh drayber lang ako dito eh. Blah blah..”

Babae: “Sino po ang nandyan?”

Mang Philip: “Blah blah.. Nasa loob”

So I went outside my room to see what the fuss was all about. I was startled when I saw these two girls peeking through the screen door which unfortunately was not locked.

I began asking myself.. “Just who the fuck are these people?”

Beggars? Nope. Too well dressed.

Missionaries? Nah. Too fuckin girly. They’re not white people either.

Hawkers? Maybe..

..I bet they’re selling something. That must be it. The fucking A-holes.

Babae: “Hi Sir! Kami po ay manggagamot ng astral out of body experience (that’s what I’ve heard.) blah blah, yada yada” (I wasn't really paying attention to what they were saying.)

Ako: “Ano yun? Anong kailangan nyo? Hindi, hindi. Di ako interesado.” ( I thought they would simply go away after I’ve told them that I’m not interested to whatever they’re offering)

But nooooo!!!! .. They brought their own fuckin set of rebuttals..

Babae: “Bakit naman sir?”

Ako: “Eh hindi eh. Sa ibang araw na lang kayo bumalik. may ginagawa kasi ako eh”

Babae: “Sir kailan po? Pasok na kami sa loob ha.”

Ako: (Why the fuck are you entering my house? Get out of my house!) “ha?!?” (I didn’t even had the time to answer them. They sort of just let themselves in.)

Then came a series of questions that annoyed the living shit out of my wits.

“Anong name nyo?” - Alan Dmsereres.

“Ano po ulit yun?” – Alan Dbuisfas.

“May asawa kayo?” – la.

“Asan mother nyo?” - la.

“Ano yung kabilang bahay, may nakatira ba dun?” -Siguro? (It’s a house! What do you expect? Like duh..)

“Anong ginagawa nyo?” – trabaho.

“San ka nag-wowork?” – dito lang.

“kailan kayo pwede ulit? – next week.

-Then some sweet, awkward silence-

Ako: “O tapos na?”

Babae: “opo sir next week na lang? Anong araw at oras?”

Ako: “May 7, 1:00 ng tanghali.” ( Hehe. I’ve chosen the hottest time of the day and I wouldn’t be here anyway. Yes, I'm an asshole.)

Babae: “Sige po sir.”

Ako: “Para san nga ulit yan?”

Babae: “Sa mga may arthritis, sakit sa blah blah, yada yada (I wasn’t paying attention again)

Ako: “E wala naman akong sakit ah..”

Babae: “Kahit na sir. Dapat nakaligo na kayo sa Monday bago mag-therapy.”

Ako: “Ah.. k.” (Like yeah, sure. Whatever.)

Damn trespassers. Never came back too.

puter.

If only my computer could talk, I wonder what it'll tell me..

"Let me rest, you lazy ass!"

"You need to stand up and get out of the house. You need a life, man.. No, seriously."

"Porn again!? Don't you ever get tired of looking at that shit?? What a loser.."

"Stop jerking off in front of me for the love of god!!!"

"Don't stare at me like that."

"Kill me now, please."

"Uh-oh, I'm beginning to f*ck your files up. I think you should buy a new computer."

"I'm overused and under-appreciated, just like your...."

"F you. Unplug me. NOW!"

"o_O"

"Aling Tessie"

She’s been here since God knows when. Hmmm, maybe around 10. ..or 15 years ago to be exact, I wouldn’t really know. She was with us for as long as I can remember. Aling Tessie, or Tesi as we call her, has been working as our house help ever since I was a kid. She actually saw me grew up to be a man and practically knew me half of my life.

When I was a kid, I remembered playing pranks on her whenever she’s working:

“Riiiiiing! Riiiiing!”
Me: “hiluu, pwidi makipag-pumpal?!?”
Tesi: “Uhhh.. sigi..”
(Then I’d be laughing my ass off)

Or, I would turn off the lights when she’s cleaning the bathroom:

“Click!”
(I would hide inside the closet)
Tesi: “Sinu naman nagpatay ng ilaw? Nakakahilu! Alan! Buwang ka!”

..And scare the crap out of her:


Me: "Tesssssiiiiiiiiii putooo, pambili ng putooo!! limang pisooo!!!"
Tesi: "Ay bayag, Utis!! Anak ng kabayo!! Ehek!! Buwang ka!"

Plus, she has these three great alibis that she uses until now if she’s late or will be absent for work. For some reason, it always worked for her.


First would be that someone had died:
“Namatay yung kapitbahay namin, nasagasaan ng trin.”
“Namatay yung tiyahin ku.” (She had a lot of dead aunts, believe me.)

Second was, her husband and their son was drunk and killed each other:
“Lasing ang mag-ama, muntikan nang magsaksakan, nadamay nga aku..”
“Itong si Lando, Lasing na naman nung umuwi eh pinigilan ko ang ama, baka buntalin!”

And the third one would be that one of her five (or six I think) kids was in the hospital, suffering from an unknown, incurable disease.

She’d also use these excuses right after getting her salary at the middle and end of the month.

Aling Tessie won’t follow any of my requests anymore. She would pretend that she didn’t hear me whenever I ask her to do something. And, even if she does, she would simply say, “Gawin mo mag-isa mo. Ikaw nakaisip eh!”

-which is fine. Because she is, after all, part of the family.

Hababerdi Tesi, and more berdis to come.

Uhugin

Hindi ko mawari kung kailan at hindi ko malaman kung paano. Isang araw, bumahin na lang ako, Sinipon, inuhog at dumami ang kulangot. Hindi ko alam kung saan nagsimula pero ganun na talaga eh. Nasa elementarya pa lamang yata ako noon ay parang gripo na ang ilong ko.

Hindi ako marunong suminga noon. Nandidiri ako sa aking sariling sipon. Malabnaw, malagkit at maalat. Oo, natikman ko na ang aking sariling sipon. Aminin mo, kahit ikaw siguro nung bata ka, kumakayat din ang uhog mo sa dau (daanan nang uhog sa pagitan ng ilong at bibig) Hindi ako makapag-laro ng maayos at makakain ng maayos dahil tumutulo ang aking uhog. Mahirap matulog pag may sipon. Bumabara sa ilong. Hindi ako makahinga. Kailangan ko pang mahiga ng patagilid para mawala ang bara sa isang butas. Tapos halin-hinan na sila.

Ngayon, beinte-dos anyos na ako. Walang pinagbago. Pero marunong na ako suminga. Minsan may dugo pa ngang kasama. Mahirap magtrabaho at mag-aral dahil sa sipon. Mas grabe pa nga yata ngayon dahil mabahin lang ako ng isa sa umaga, buong araw na siyang mag-rerebolusyon. Corrosive na din yata ang sipon ko dahil nabubutas na yung panyo ko kaka-punas. Wala din tutsang na tumutubo sa loob ng ilong ko. May duktor na nga na nagsabi sa akin kung anong gamot ang bibilhin ko para sa sipon kaso, hindi pa ako nakakabili. Wala pa kasing pera na ganung kalaki eh. Minsan nga gusto ko na ipaputol ang ilong ko dahil nakakadesperado ang kalagayan ko.

Pero wag na lang. Mas mahirap yata mabuhay ng walang ilong.

*sniff* *sniff*

Paranoia

I can’t close my eyes because it’s there and it’s waiting for me. Waiting for me to fall asleep. It’s just hiding somewhere under my bed. I know it’ll do something to harm me. “What are you? What the fuck are you!?” I know it’s there. “Leave me alone! Why don’t you fuck off and go back to hell where you came from? Just leave me alone."

What’s the scariest thing that's ever happened to you? I’d love to know.

Nakakita yata ako ng mumu. Yata lang naman.

Salvation

The blinking cursor spun in my head like a silhouette of euphoric dancing clowns in a circus.

I suddenly saw her, calling and seducing me, pleading me to lie on top of her.

I saw them too, wailing at the top of their lungs, (or so I thought) telling me to satisfy them with my soft hugs.

I was hesitant, even shouting inside my head for them to stop for I cannot please them tonight.

"No, not tonight. I’m sorry, I just can’t."


But I can’t just ignore them! I have to do something.

I have humanly urges, too. And even my complex, dominant brain has no control to make it stop.


I gave in and decided to lie on top of you.

Felt you with my hands.

Hugged your soft features.

Oh how your wholeness blanketed my weary nothingness!

How everything felt so serene and peaceful.


Now I am silently falling..

falling into the abyss that you made for us.

I’m losing control.

I need to take hold and regain my emotions before the oblivion sets in.

But I can’t.

I lost and simply had to give in.


Bukas na lang yung assignment, sarap matulog sa kama.

Bobing.

Kanina, bumili ako sa McDonald’s Edsa Central.

Habang hinihintay ko yung big breakfast ko ay may babaeng sumingit.

Ang tagal daw ng serbisyo kaya tinawag niya na ang cashier at naiimbyerna na daw siya kunwari.

Tinanong siya ng cashier kung anong gusto niya.

Sabi ni ms. imbyerna, yun daw soseyj brekpast, yung may “omeley.”

Maderhamper, gusto kong mautot sa kakatawa.

Syet naman o.

Yun lang.

Boni Ave.

Namimiss ko lahat ng mga tao sa Boni. Simula kay manong tanod na palaging nakaupo sa harap ng compound kapag dis-oras ng gabi hanggang alas-singko ng umaga (Bibigyan sana kita ng kahit pang-kape o pang-yosi kaso nahihiya ako eh.)

Sa kapitbahay naming architect na sumasabay ng pagkanta ng boom-tarat-tarat kay willie pag tanghali (nakakawala ng respeto at ayoko din isipin na sinasabayan mo din siyang sumayaw.)

Sa nagtitinda ng bulalo sa may ibaba ng mrt station. (Sarap na sana yung bulalo nyo basta wag lang makikita kung pano nyo i-prepare kase mauubusan kayo ng customer, pramis.)

Sa tsismosang tindera sa tindahan na mukhang elyen at tinatanga tanga lang ang amo niya. (Paano kaya pag pinatalsik ka niya?)

Dun kay kuya na nasa internet shop na nagagalit pag nagbabayad na ako kasi naiistorbo ko ata siya kapag nag-dodota siya. (Sorry kung naistorbo kita ha, trabaho mo lang naman ata kasi yun eh)

Sa mga batang makukulit na naglalaro sa labas kapag natutulog ako (Pasensiya na kung tinatakot at sinisigawan ko kayo minsan. Ang ingay nyo naman kase mga bwakangna kayo kakauwi ko pa lang galing sa trabaho.)

Sa mga construction workers sa compound na palaging nag-iinom sa harap ng apartment namin na tumatahimik kapag dumadaan ako (Ina nyo rin.)

Dun sa nagtitinda ng ulam sa may Malapantao street na napakasarap at napakadami nung mga unang beses ako bumili kasi trenta pesos siya pero paunti na ng paunti nung nagiging suki na ako..

Dun kay sexy na nagtitinda ng isaw na palaging nakikipag-inuman sa mga tanod. (Ang cool mo naman.)

At higit sa lahat, kay doggie, na asong tambay dun na walang garapata at napakalambing dahil dumadamba pag nakikita ako kahit na di pa tayo masyadong close. Amishu ol foks.

On Death and Tikbalangs

It’s funny how my brain works. One minute I’m watching a science documentary, engrossed with it and all. Next thing I know, I was thinking that I’m going to die eventually and I’m going to leave everything behind.

What really happens when we die? Where do we go after we die? What will we feel when we’re dead? (maybe most of you will answer “wala, patay ka na nga eh! Oo nga, pero, basta patay ka na lang? Ganun na lang yun!?”) What’ll happen to your memories, feelings and personality? What will to the energy that we used to have when we’re still alive and bubbly? Naipasa na lang ba siya sa mga uod, damo damo at bacteria sa sementeryo? I’ve been asking these questions ever since I was in grade school to my classmates, friends and older people but, none of them seem to bother. They’d simply say, “wala, patay ka na nga eh!” How can they tell? Have they ever been dead and lived to tell about it? Mga tanga. Yes, there is a scientific explanation about the light after the tunnel. It’s just your brain, shutting down when you’re about to die. Didn't think anyone has surpassed that moment and lived to tell everyone about what happened after. Do things such as spirits exist? Eh yung momo, kapre at tikbalang kaya? This domain is way beyond science can explain and it seems like there’s nobody in this world that can answer such questions. What about time and space? What did exist when these two did not exist yet?

This is getting way too long. I see life as a one way trip and there’s no really coming back. Live life to the fullest while you’re still breathing. Get laid and bump uglies while you can. Fuck a lot of women (said by gramps from Little Miss Sunshine!) My mother, being the religious person she is, used to tell me that I should always pray and be ready to die. (meaning, I should repent my sins before I die. Para siguro may mukha akong ihaharap sa “KANYA” pag nagkita kami.) Maybe I think too much about death. Hell yeah, I’m scared of dying, who isn’t? But look at the brighter side of dying. It isn’t losing anything actually. Not even your life! You just gain knowledge and experience because dying is just a part of being alive.

Hirap ng walang magawa.

condolence moshe. We're praying for the eternal repose of your mother's soul.

Palamuti

Umaga na naman. Inat, Mumog. ‘Tang-nang araw yan, iinit ka na naman. Ligo, Bihis, Lakad, Sakay. ‘Tangina nitong traysikel na ’to, sobra maningil, ang tikal sa pera. Mukhang pera ang putangina..

”Manong, bayad ko, oh.” Baba, Lakad, Sakay. Putanginang bus ito, parang naandar na basura. May natulo pang tubig galing sa aircon.

 “Manong, Ayala lang. dun, sa may Paseo. Heto nga pala ang bayad ko.” Putang-inang mga tao yan, ayaw umisod. Di ako makaupo ng maayos. ‘TANG-INA MONG ALE KA, ANG SARAP MONG SAKALIN!! Sik-sik. Sik-sik pa ng kaunti.

“Guadalupe, Guadalupe!” Tingin sa labas. Tang-inang SOGO motel yan. Ano kayang klaseng mga tao ang pumapasok diyan? May mag-syota siguro na kahit hindi pa kasal, tine-testing na., mga lalaki at babaeng may kalaguyo o kaya siguro’y may mga taong mararangal din naman na naghahanap lang ng matutulugan. Ngunit alam ba nila na tinitingnan sila ng madla kapag sila’y pumapasok sa loob? Kasi naman, sa marikit na kulay nitong pula at dilaw, napaka-unti at napaka-liit ng mga bintana. Parang may milagrong palaging tinatago sa loob. O puwede din na pag-iisip ko lamang ‘yon, di ko din alam. Naalala ko bigla ang sambit niya. “Sa SOGO na lang kaya tayo matulog.” Putang-ina, hindi ako marunong sa motel. At wala akong balak pumasok sa putang-inang lugar na yan. Siya kaya, marunong? Ayoko malaman.

“Buwen-ja, jan o, Buwen-ja!!” Bakit kaya hindi Buwen-diya? Tanga naman neto.

“O, Ayala, Ayala.. Glorietta! Bawal na ho bumaba sa susunod!” Tangna. Nilagyan pa ng kalye kung di rin lang puwede bumaba. Tanginang traffic rules yan. Napakabobo ng mga putang-ina.” Isa pa itong parang tangang bus driver na ito. Walang pakundangan sa kalsada. Walang pakialam kung nakahambalos sa daan. Dapat sa mga ‘to, pinapatay. Pati itong manyakis na gagong konduktor. Grabe kung makatingin sa dibdib nung dalaga. Tingin pa lang, hinuhubaran na ng walang-hiya.

“Opsss! O yung mga bababa ng Paseo diyan! Paseo, Paseo!!” Baba, Lakad. Eh kung mag-MRT naman kaya ako bukas? “Ayos, simula na naman ng isang putang-inang araw sa putang-inang buhay na 'to.”